Day 81… Being a Worrier.

Hello I am Laura, I am 23 and I have come here tonight because …I am a Worrier.

Ever since I was a child I have been called a worrier. Yes that does not sound like the greatest start in life but I remember vividly my dance teacher and school teachers then my mum would always give me that name. I have always thought the worst in situations. I can worry so much I make myself ill and cry. When I worry I keep it all to myself, not wanting to show the people around me my weakness. The worries usually build up over time until it makes me burst, I end up not wanting to carry anymore worries or guilt or problems. In other people they can converse there problems through an argument, or very well versed words, they are brave enough to ask for help, to say that they are struggling. I being the person I am find it hard to talk my feelings especially when there is no fight in me left, so I just put up with everything until it gets too much . So I end up crying. Which may seem even more weak . I usually worry so much but keep it in so people do not see my weakness until it gets to a tipping point and I crash. Usually crying and needing support. I just need to remember that if I need help all I have to do is ask. I should not be afraid of failing. I will learn in time.

Tonight I think my anxiety is starting up again. I am getting all panicky over nothing. I mean Nothing… I am doing nothing and getting worried about it as I think I should be doing something. It is like when people say life does not come to you, your the one that has to go find it. I am currently panicking about that. Not like ‘That’ is anything. Maybe it is because I want to travel to America and work on something better maybe a film but I know I will never make it as I am not trying to get it. Then I just panic that I have such a dull life and I am going to get old and not have lived. (sorry about that rant but it makes me feel better when I get it off my chest). I need to stop it Laura!  It does not help that I am feeling rather alone lately. I know I have my best friend close by, but I am really missing my home and family. I think I am homesick. I feel isolated with no other person around. I just want a hug now and then.

Being a worrier can have its highs and lows. It can make me extra careful and thorough when working, which includes making thousands of lists, but when it gets out of control I do not like it.

I cant help it, it is just apart of how my brain works, all I need is your help and the kind words you give me when I have done something right. Just so I know I am on the correct path and I do not have to worry that I have done anything wrong.

Thank you for listening Blogsphere.

Night,

L