Are you full of confidence or have you ever suffered from Imposter Syndrome? Tell us all about it.
My short answer… This could have been an essay.
I have a strange view on my confidence. I cannot for the life of me talk in front of people however large or small the crowd. I even find it difficult to talk to people face to face. I find trying to string a sentence together extremely difficult and this tends to falter my confidence. However with dance, give me a theatre full and I would happily go out and perform, as long as I do not have to speak.
I have always been a shy young girl always hiding in the paths of others. Keeping my thoughts to myself. Throughout my childhood on report cards or even dance reports I always knew what it would say… Laura lacks the confidence in. . . It is just something I do not have. You could however see confidence in me as someone who has moved to London on their own to work in a job where you are only given short contracts so never knows what is going to happen next…. or that is just damn stupid.
I would say I do suffer from Imposter Syndrome, I never like to take complements for my successes, not like I get any anyway ( um there we go another imposter) People have to keep telling me that I have done well other wise I do not believe them. I lack the confidence in myself. I do not know if confidence is something you are born with or you strive towards, I can honestly conclude I do not own this ability.
On another note, I started my training for the London to Brighton cycle… 🙂
To be truthful I am a person who is likely to quite something quite easily if it wasn’t from something little that always keeps me attached and trudging along. I am in an industry that has very short contracts I am only 23 and have had over 10 different jobs. So I have never had the chance to contemplate leaving… That was until the other day… I have been in the same job now for 6 months that is long for me, my longest job yet ( other than the supermarket but that’s another story) . It got really tough last week, to the point that I was wanting to quit. I felt like I was not good enough for the role. That I was not living up to the expectations of the fellow crew. But finally I have made up my mind I will stay till the end of this series, for the next series however I am unsure. I do like change and another 6 months might brake me. The pros however … I would still have a job, It would look better on my CV, I would get better at camera assisting. Cons… Studio is moving over an hour away from where I live, therefore more expensive to travel, I don’t want to get stuck in entertainment I want to spread my wings first. SO do I quit a secure job to follow my dreams or will I find another easier way into my dream after a few more months of learning.
I could go into so much more detail… yet it is time to sleep…
Traditions are huge in my family, anything done at least twice on occasion becomes a tradition. For example my mums Shepard pie on the nights I came home from uni. My Tuesdays nights at my best friends house a cuppa and chat. Sleeping in till 10 on a Sunday and my dad wakes mum and I up with a cuppa on the bedside. The biggest however is my families Christmas tradition. The day is shared with my family.
Every year since before I was born my family has gathered either at my aunties, or my parents house at 11 on the dot to spend a few hours together exchanging gifts. It is the one day I really look forward too in the year. One time I see my whole family on one day and in one place. The day starts out with mum, dad and I opening our presets whilst we Skype my family over in New Zealand. Then at 11 we either go to my aunts or everyone comes to ours. After a few hours everyone but a select few disperse to their partners families to finish their day. The select few which include my aunty, uncle, and sometimes cousin join us for Christmas dinner. We sit around pull crackers and eat till we pop. It is just the perfect day.
The Christmas just gone however, the cousins of the family decided that they wanted to do Christmas with their own families, being the youngest of the cousins and no family of my own I was not apart of this decision. When I found out my perfect day was not happening I got really upset and angry. How could they change a tradition that had been started by our grandparents. So this year mum dad and I took our time to open our presents. No one came around to exchange gifts. Thankfully my cousin invited us over to his house for dinner otherwise it would have been a lonely Christmas just the three of us. It was not the same. It seems to be a tradition that has after all these years has outgrown our family. I just hope one day I can start it again with my own family.
If I could do anything with my time tomorrow I would start off by sleeping in till about 9. I do love a sleep in. Then I would bake cakes which I take to my best friends for a light lunch and a good cuppa. I would then catch up on a few TV shows that as I work a lot I do not get to do. Then if it was sunny and my knee was better I would go for a lovely walk. If I had a bath I would have bubbles to the top, chocolate and my book. Then early to bed.
That all sounds really sad! I would just love a normal day that does not consist of work or cleaning.
If I had another day of course it would be something fun and adventurous. Promise.
I know many people who work in jobs that they hate,finding it is a chore, they just work to pay the bills. I feel that I am lucky, I did not want a day to day job and was determined to get into an area that I would love to work in the rest of my life. If I had any choice of job in the world that would fulfill me, it would Film Director. I don’t think I will actually achieve it but I am sort of closer than many. I might make it to TV Director one day but films seem to be where I dream of working but finding my way into film is turning out to be difficult. I have an amazing job at the moment on a great entertainment show, I love it. Being on set filming is such a brilliant rush, it is stupidly long hours and low pay but I love my job. My next step is finding a job in a Drama production, I will keep looking in film too. If you do know of anyone looking for a Runner/ Junior Camera Assistant/ Production Runner/ AD Runner/ Anything Please feel free to contact me 🙂
Oh to become a Film Director, having thousands of people watch your work, to create a phenomenon to sweep cultures. Having people want to go watch a film that I directed, and watching my name scroll up that cinema screen. That it my dream.
And it will probably stay in my dreams forever.
If you could have a guarantee that one, specific person was reading your blog, who would you want that person to be?
The person who I would want to see my blog is Shaycarl… You know the Shaytards Shaycarl.
Because watching his Vlogs everyday makes me happy and originally I did want to create a daily Vlog however I just did not like myself on camera, my life is not that interesting and I don’t know how he does it. I really respect him and his family, they are good people and they make great interesting Vlogs. After thinking about his Vlogs I thought maybe I could just do a Blog instead. I would want him to see that he has inspired me to do something different in my life, to stick to something that challenges me and make him feel proud.
What do you want to say to them?
So if you are out there Shay and family, thank you for being inspirational in my life.