So today was brighter than yesterday, tonight I finally got a txt saying I do love you you know. That’s all I needed. Was it really that hard. Well it looks like it was. Yes my mind is still going through a hundred gears but it is settling. I think I am going to let it ride through a little longer, yes I am not completely happy, as of the being lonely with no boyfriend next to me. But I have one that I think does care, even though he does not show it.
I spent tonight with some amazing friends. Lottie and emily from university. We all studied television production and have moved to London and work in tv. We laugh as we never have time to meet because in our jobs we work many hours and trying to get three people to have a free night off is rare, and tonight was literally the only night. Lottie goes on tour tomorrow and I go on holiday soon before the next series starts again and emily in prod sec on three shows ha. Us girls know how it’s done.
Anyway, I have had three dark days, I just need to keep positive. See where this relationship boat takes me. And not stress about it too much.
Hello I am Laura, I am 23 and I have come here tonight because …I am a Worrier.
Ever since I was a child I have been called a worrier. Yes that does not sound like the greatest start in life but I remember vividly my dance teacher and school teachers then my mum would always give me that name. I have always thought the worst in situations. I can worry so much I make myself ill and cry. When I worry I keep it all to myself, not wanting to show the people around me my weakness. The worries usually build up over time until it makes me burst, I end up not wanting to carry anymore worries or guilt or problems. In other people they can converse there problems through an argument, or very well versed words, they are brave enough to ask for help, to say that they are struggling. I being the person I am find it hard to talk my feelings especially when there is no fight in me left, so I just put up with everything until it gets too much . So I end up crying. Which may seem even more weak . I usually worry so much but keep it in so people do not see my weakness until it gets to a tipping point and I crash. Usually crying and needing support. I just need to remember that if I need help all I have to do is ask. I should not be afraid of failing. I will learn in time.
Tonight I think my anxiety is starting up again. I am getting all panicky over nothing. I mean Nothing… I am doing nothing and getting worried about it as I think I should be doing something. It is like when people say life does not come to you, your the one that has to go find it. I am currently panicking about that. Not like ‘That’ is anything. Maybe it is because I want to travel to America and work on something better maybe a film but I know I will never make it as I am not trying to get it. Then I just panic that I have such a dull life and I am going to get old and not have lived. (sorry about that rant but it makes me feel better when I get it off my chest). I need to stop it Laura! It does not help that I am feeling rather alone lately. I know I have my best friend close by, but I am really missing my home and family. I think I am homesick. I feel isolated with no other person around. I just want a hug now and then.
Being a worrier can have its highs and lows. It can make me extra careful and thorough when working, which includes making thousands of lists, but when it gets out of control I do not like it.
I cant help it, it is just apart of how my brain works, all I need is your help and the kind words you give me when I have done something right. Just so I know I am on the correct path and I do not have to worry that I have done anything wrong.
Thank you for listening Blogsphere.
It is only a short blog today as i have still not been home and i am currently on the bus back now. let me firstly wish you all a happy valentines day how ever and who ever you want to spend it with. My night was lovely, spent it with my boyfriend, his brother and his girlfriend. We ate Mexican, had cake, watched Police Academy and spent it with lovely people.
Promise a better blog tomorrow.
Today was the last day of this series filming and one that I was worried about from the start of the year. I can recall being terrified of what would happen when my contract came to an end. Worried that I would be jobless, that I would have to move back up north, try and find a person to take my room. It really stressed me out. However here I still am, Yes it was the last day but I am back in on Monday for another 3 months!!! I was asked back to do another series, it was a huge weight off my chest. All that worrying at the start of the year and I am fine now for another few months. So here is my Fivefriday
1. Finding smiley faces in objects. I found these faces this week. 😉
2. My birthday- I turned 23, I have wanted to be 23 all last year only because Runners are able to get more jobs because car insurance is somehow cheaper!!! Yay more jobs. My mum and dad gave me a lovely Micheal Kors watch as they are sick of me getting a new £20 watch every three months. Below is a picture of my birthday cake 🙂
3. Getting so drunk that I don’t remember half the night!!! NEVER AGAIN I think it was embarrassing, I cant remember how I got to my friends bed so waking up next to them was a shock. They did in the morning explain what happened… I was carried out of the bar by the bouncer after being sick in the toilet, I could not walk, had to get a taxi home with two friends who thought it was a good idea if I stayed at their house so they could keep an eye on me. They changed me into PJs and gave me a hot water bottle!!! Pretty good friend there. I am never getting like that again. I have at least two hours of memory that is blank.
4. Divergent- Well what can I say. This book has captured me, all I want to do is curl up in a corner and keep reading. It is very action packed. I would say that is it getting repetitive but it is a thrilling read. I would have had the characters be older, knowing their age makes it seem less realistic. It is a keeper. Please read.
5. Feeling proud and not worried… This is a strange one, but to think 24 days ago I was so terrified that I was not going to have a job right now and to have a job is something short of an achievement for the week.
This is technically the 22nd and 23rd blog all rolled in to one mainly because they did!
Yesterday was hectic at work very busy and long. All on my mind though was I have no shoes for the wrap party. Luckily I have the bestest friend in the world and she went shopping hours before she was going traveling to get me some heels whilst I was at work. How these days rolled into one was a fun one at that. It was our wrap party, a huge celebration for finishing filming. We all got glammed up together at the studio, and partied hard throughout the night. As the minuets counted down to midnight, Jack and I watched the seconds melt away, as it would be both our birthday. When it became the 23rd we jumped, screamed and ran to the bar! The next moment Happy Birthday comes over the speakers and we are both thrown onto the stage and given more drinks. It was brilliant sharing a birthday with Jack. I then cannot remember the rest of the night. It was awesome.
It’s My Birthday WAHHOOOO. The name of this post 2323232 does mean something. Today is the 23rd January, I am turning 23 and I was born at 2.32
Now that is strange. Its only going to happen once. Right.
It has been a long eventful birthday.
And so back in London with my best friend we ventured out and found the sun I was pondering about this morning. Only to find rain and cloud had joined in the adventure, they were never going to stop us.