The sun always comes out… 113

So today was brighter than yesterday, tonight I finally got a txt saying I do love you you know. That’s all I needed. Was it really that hard. Well it looks like it was. Yes my mind is still going through a hundred gears but it is settling. I think I am going to let it ride through a little longer, yes I am not completely happy, as of the being lonely with no boyfriend next to me. But I have one that I think does care, even though he does not show it.

I spent tonight with some amazing friends. Lottie and emily from university. We all studied television production and have moved to London and work in tv. We laugh as we never have time to meet because in our jobs we work many hours and trying to get three people to have a free night off is rare, and tonight was literally the only night. Lottie goes on tour tomorrow and I go on holiday soon before the next series starts again and emily in prod sec on three shows ha. Us girls know how it’s done.

Anyway, I have had three dark days, I just need to keep positive. See where this relationship boat takes me. And not stress about it too much.



DAY 100 . . . Whoop

I cannot believe I have blogged for 100 days. I never knew how long that felt until now. The amount of emotions that I have been through since the start of the year is staggering. I am usually a person who gives up on things but I am determined to keep this diary up. However my paperback diary has lagged behind. My blog was never about how many subscribers I could get, but for those of you who do follow me and maybe skim my terrible spelt writing, I have to thank you. My blog is where I have found a place for my thoughts so I do not have to keep them in and drive myself crazy. SO thank you for reading my blabbing.

It was because of this blog that I went to Rome,

I figured out where to take my mum for her special day

I got to express my anxiety so it did not feel as big as I imagined it.

This blog is helping me so much, making me feel lighter, to get a lot off my chest, that I would not be able to speak out loud.

I found that a blog is like a quite individuals voice. And I have only just begun to shout.


And now onto today! A lovely wake up time of 4.30 this morning. NOT. I was at the studio for 5.15 picking the equipment up. It was a great day in the end. The weather was perfect, I have caught the sun, my cheeks are burning :(. The lesson for the day was to make sure the camera guys get sun lotion on. They are the ones out all day in the sun and should get protected. Camera guys are a strange species, hm that could be a blog title. I think for the future blogs I might not put ‘Day 101 . . .’ and so on. Maybe just the number in the heading???

Anyway I got home and because the weather makes me happy I decided to make a cake 🙂

Cake makes everyone happy.

Night and thank you again, here is to another 100 days!

Day 94. . . North

Four and a half hours later and I am home home, back up north. Today has been long, work was a mixture of feelings, excitement of a new challenge, happiness because we finished early, annoyance that we had to pack the kit away, even more annoyance that I got another camera in to set up, anger because some kit is lost and I have no clue what so ever what happened to it as it is something that you would have noticed, crying (again) it all got too much for me, tiredness as my day is going to be even more longer by traveling home.

But that was today. It all begins again in a few days time, I now have two days to do what I want. However I have to thank chris again for being my shoulder to cry on, it’s strange when you meet someone who is just so nice that you get along with so well. He really makes me feel better And listens to me. I do not know why he puts up with it. I am great full for his friendship.

Anyway yes at home now, my mum had made a bath for me with candles and bubble bath. Baths have become a very treasured aspect in my life. And now I am in my lovely bed. Oh how I miss my duvet cover. I am going to sleep well tonight.


82…My Dream House…Emphasis on Dream

I live in quite a small room in a shared council house in SW London. The place is falling apart, five people in one small space. Two Irish Two Australian and me! Finally coming to terms that this is the house I will probably live in for the next few years. Only because this place is extra cheap. I only pay £460 monthly although that is without bills and well earning £380 weekly it takes a chunk out of that easily . Yet that is really cheap for London. I would not want to loose a place that is this cheap.

Anyway I went on a little run today around the surrounding area, I had not been that particular way before so was shocked with what I found, Rich people must live on them streets. And Wow! I can hardly believe my eyes. I have never seen houses that big before. One even had its own waterfall stream in the front garden. I am always thinking of my own place. One day I get to decorate my own house, buy little trinkets and shop in the home areas of many shops. I do genrally go into TKmax just to go in their Home section to dream buy for the house I will never get. Yet it seems a dream that is too far away to reach anything that does not involve shared housing. I am too far to earn anything near to get a mortgage let alone a little place I can rent for myself. But we can all dream right?



Day 63… Round up of my day

Wake up, spend 15 min on iPad, get out of bed, change, out the door, 10 min bus ride, early to work, prep camera, get told that I did stuff wrong the past two shoots, end up crying from stress, put battery on charge, cry and confined in work mate, find air can nossle for sound man, cry, boss finds me, give me a good talk, weight lifted, floor manager reassures me, cry the last time, give a good days work, have burger, work some more, change disks, get struck by another problem, try and understand the problem, don’t understand the problem, yet get new camera just in case, finish filming, upload photos, prep new camera, have meeting, go to Jackie’s, have pancakes, cuppa tea, chat about life, catch bus, buy nachos, go to the cinema, catch bus, lay in bed, write blog…. Sleep?


Day 57… Wednesdays Afternoon Tea Search…Groupon 242424

I have decided to indulge in the world of offers today and have gone for Groupon, even when you have no friends you at least know you will receive two emails from this site every day. And finally I am using it too some good instead of just deleting it. I have to say it has not disappointed.

1. Bloomsbury’s DoubleTree by Hilton, Tea for two for £24 do I have to say more… Well ok yes! It is a hotel chain, not a cute cafe which I would imagine mum and I sitting in. However I think I should keep this at the top of the list, as for another £5 I can upgrade it to a cocktail afternoon tea.No harm in that 🙂


2. Hotel Indigo London Kensington, Another hotel I know but this one sounds more amazing than the one above. This is a cocktail afternoon tea. In a renovated Victorian house/hotel soooo has atmosphere for only £24, When it is usually £26 per person. Plus the I am a softy for a great picture and it does well. Look at that cake stand.


3. Thistle Marble Arch Hotel, The hotels are really on it this time round. This one in central and is a AA Rosette-winning hotel. Yes as I said before it is no cafe but with the 1930’s deco it seems ok! What I am impressed by is the photographs. Again it is £24 it seems like a lucky number today.

With not much within these three, they all seem similar in what they are offering. Yes all in hotels but they are all 4* or have won some sort of award so must be good. This has been an eye opener, these 3 are certainly winning. Groupon you have served me well.  Lets see what tomorrow brings.


Day 54… Not a City Girl just yet…

To quote the brilliant song writer that is Ed Sheeren “London calls me a stranger, it is not my home”

When people ask me where I live, I hesitate, I come from a lovely small quite town up North and that is always Home, but nowadays I work and live in a house in London. It does not feel like a place I am going to stay for long, but for now it is some kind of fake  H O M E.

1. Commuting

Rammed-tube11“In a city that never sleeps”  I am a country girl trying to keep up with the pace. The day starts early and finishes late. It is not just starting work early it is the daily commute that causes thousands of people to dive deep into the tube system at once. In my little town back home driving is the only option or walking of course. There is not a regular 5 minute bus, you are lucky if it runs every half hour. Here in London you do not have to drive a car and would rather not with the traffic. Tubes and Buses are in substantial amount. However you are not the only one heading into work that one way, you are packed into a small tin can for up to an hour before you get to work. If my colleges have to be at work for 7 they are up at 5 and heading out at 6. I am pretty lucky, the studio is only a 10 min bus drive so I am at the stop at 6.30 just in-case the drive decides to call at every stop. This brings me to another bizarre point that people are willing to travel over an hour to get to work. Not everyone wants to live in central London and don’t have to choice with its pricing. It is significantly cheaper to live in the outer zones than central London. I know that I might have to travel and hour for my next job which would be crazy seen as I have to be first in to set up all the cameras. With location shoots I will have to be a the studio latest at 6 in the morning so setting off at 5. 😦 I am not liking the sound of that. I love my sleep and at least 8 hour of it.  This would mean I have to go to bed at 9ish … if I say I get up at 4.30. This leads me to another point…

Finishing work at 18.30/19.00 is a stupid time to finish work, Firstly it means the hour traveling back takes up most of your night, even if you go out with work afterwards you still have an hours journey home. So people would get back around 20.30. That is not enough time to do what I need to be done to relax. I have to make dinner, shower, write this blog. . . Have some sort of life. There is not enough time in the day. Oh and Dinner well I just do not have the energy to make anything by the time I get home, it is usually a sandwich as I am given a huge lunch at work. Or a microwaved meal, I am finding it hard to get the motivation to make proper meals. I miss home cooked dinners.  So I get home and just go straight to bed, back up north you would finish work at 5 and be home at 5 past.  You would spend time making a proper meal, sit down and take your time in eating. Have a bath which as I live in a crappy house I do not have one. Then spend another few hours relaxing. Maybe going to a friend house. I just cant find the hours to do that.

It must be only me who gets lost in time, I scroll through Facebook to see other London friends who are grabbing time by the hands and really discovering the London life, whether it is out at a restaurant, a cool pub or a comedy night. My friends seem to know something I do not. They have something that I am missing.


A woman passes house sales and letting signs in west LondonNow this is a northern thing to say but everything is so blooming expensive down here. I would happily move to Manchester right now as it is way cheaper. For my room I pay £460 a month then I have to pay bills on top of that. It is cheap for London, I acutally have a living roome and two toilets too, but it is a tip. If I decided to get a job in Manchester I would have such a Lush place for that price. I live in a council house which is shared with five people. I have a landlady that I do not see, and mold is growing in all our rooms. We do not keep the heating on or the hot water. It could be worse…  Now lets not get started on the price of a pint. Expensive!

3.Grey and busy

busy_londonNothing wrong with the colour it is just a very grey city. I am lucky that when I look out my room I only have half a block of flats in my way the other half of my view is Wimbledon tennis court so it aint bad. It is just there is not much of a horizon, everywhere you look your horizon ends at the grey building in front of you. No green hills, or land. It is a street sandwich, two grey cement buns smush you into a hectic traffic ‘jam’ and a hundred other people. The key is never go to central on the weekend. You wont be able to breath.

London life just generally moves too fast for my liking. What can I do, it is where the work is, my friend are and to be truthful there is more to do here than back home where it is just green rolling fields. Maybe I should be more constructive with my time… Anyway I am still a country girl at heart but I think I might change one day when I get used to  it. I will leave you two links, one to the brilliant song City and another called Home which is one of my favorite songs because that is actually where home is.

“London calls me a stranger, A traveller, This is now my home, my home”

“Home is wherever I am with you”